It Is Never Too Early To Make A Difference

By Katherine White

8:00 in the morning is early to be on my way to teach Kung Fu. In fact, as I packed up my car for the first class on Jan. 4, it was still dark outside. Stuck in the slow crawl of traffic I thought maybe no one has the energy to get moving at this time of day. Was I ever wrong.For nine weeks Danielle, Rob and I taught Poekoelan Kung Fu in 1^st period P.E. at Beach Middle School. Every day along with a group of 20 – 25 boys and girls we ran, jumped, kicked and punched. We practiced breath, focus and meditation. We trained our voice to be powerful and our body language to be strong and confident. By the end of the 45 minute class our energy was high and our attitude positive.

For nine weeks 1^st period P.E. was often the best part of my day. Tulen training creates positive energy by integrating the mind, body and spirit. It develops inner strength and confidence through physical movement. This kind of training is not a luxury. It can make the difference between pushing through challenges, and giving up. The boys and girls who showed up each morning are dealing with more than their share of challenges. Some are growing up in low income families, some in foster homes, others have experienced violence in their home or on the street. They are faced with bullying, peer pressure, and questions about dating. Middle school can be a turning point for young teens. In these few years as they move toward adulthood some commit to pushing through challenges, some give up. 

We taught 113 teens each week. We watched them walk out the door every morning feeling better able to handle the challenges of that day. During the last week of the program 45 boys and girls took the extra step to come to One With Heart Tulen Center on their own time to earn their White Belt. They brought mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins and friends with them and gave us all a glimpse of the strength and passion they are capable of. 

The Tulen Foundation, One With Heart Tulen Center and Beach Middle School all donated time and resources to make this program possible. Now we are reaching out to the public to assure that this is just the beginning. Commitment to the health, safety and well-being of children and teens is neither short-term nor part-time. Commitment means creating community and activities that support each child all the way to adulthood. We are an abundant society. We have enough to insure these positive experiences are not a luxury.

Lives can change at 8:30 in the morning. In a small gym at Beach Middle School I began my day, along with 113 boys and girls, with an experience that made each of us feel bigger than any obstacles that appeared before us. The way we begin our day can inspire great things. It is never too early to make a difference.

Comments From The Beach Staff:

"We can't thank you enough for the gift you've given to Beach students!  Their participation and the instruction they received were superior! What a wonderful introduction to the martial arts and what a wonderful gift to them of body/mind activity and learning." – Thomas Breuckman, Beach Middle School Principal

"We cannot thank you enough for all of your time, energy, dedication and support of our middle school students! I don’t think the Poekoelan Kung Fu experience could have gone any better!! This is an opportunity few of our students would ever have been able to have if it weren’t for you!" – Kris Meyer, Beach Middle School Vice-Principal

Keeping Our Daughters Safe

How can we encourage our daughters to be assertive and independent and still keep them safe?

By Katherine White, Self-defense coordinator for One With Heart

I have a teenage daughter. Worry comes with the territory, but parents must resist riding that emotional roller coaster and help our girls become strong, confident women.

Our beautiful daughters have a world of possibilities before them, but adolescence isn’t easy. Many of us see happy, self-assured little girls become angry and insecure teenagers. They are coming of age in a world saturated with sexualized images of what it is to be female. They feel pressure to be sophisticated and achieve impossible standards of beauty. For all the steps we have made toward women's equality, the world is more dangerous than ever for girls.

There are ways to help our daughters thrive during adolescence. One of the most important things we can do is encourage them to stay physically active. Teen girls who are involved in athletics experience benefits beyond physical fitness; they tend to have higher self-esteem and less stress and anxiety. For girls not interested in team sports, martial arts or fitness training can be a great option. This training supports their physical and emotional health and connects them with a positive community.

I advocate for teen girls to participate in self-defense training at least once a year. A high energy self-defense class is a fun, unique opportunity to raise awareness about personal safety, experience physical and internal strength, and feel the power of being surrounded by the support of other girls.

Overprotecting our daughters is not going to help them in the long run. We have to guide them to experiences that provide the skills they will use to take care of themselves. Easy to say, but parenting has pulled at my heart in ways I could never have imagined. I am the first to admit to my share of sleepless nights. Each morning I do my best to put worry aside and lead by example. If she is to become a strong, confident woman, I have to be strong enough and confident enough to be her mother.

Is There a Link Between Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Domestic Violence?

Katherine White, Self-Defense Coordinator

Daniel Kerrigan, figure skater Nancy Kerrigan’s father, died after being violently assaulted by his son Mark. Mark Kerrigan, an Army veteran diagnosed with PTSD related to his military service, has struggled with substance abuse, mental illness, and has been in and out of jail for violent crimes for the past 10 years. He has a history of domestic violence and was charged in 2005 and 2006 with assaulting his wife. Is there a relationship between this kind of violent behavior and PTSD?

Studies show there is. People diagnosed with PTSD are more likely to be aggressive and more likely to abuse partners and family members than people without a PTSD diagnosis. What is it about experiencing trauma that can lead to violence?

We all like to feel that life is predictable and we have some control over what happens to us. People who survive trauma have experienced a complete loss of control. In the chaotic aftermath of trauma we search for ways to regain a sense of personal power. PTSD results when people develop unhealthy patterns of behavior for handling the stress of feeling out of control. For example: some people avoid situations that remind them of the trauma; some people become compulsive about controlling their environment; and some people use aggression to control others.

The payoff for aggression in the cycle of domestic violence is the sense of control. The offender mitigates stressful feelings of helplessness by controlling another individual through fear and intimidation. Although the payoff is temporary, it is powerful. Many treatments for PTSD and for perpetrators of domestic violence focus on anger management therapy. While this may be appropriate for some people I think it often misses the mark. Anger is not the source of the violence; rather it is the tool for gaining a sense of control.

Not all people with PTSD become aggressive, but the link between the PTSD diagnosis and aggression is important. Manipulating or intimidating others can provide a false sense of power and temporarily ease the stress of feeling helpless. In order to stop the cycle of violence the person suffering with PTSD must develop a sense of personal power that comes from within.

Recovering from PTSD is a process of building the skills to respond calmly and effectively to life’s challenges. It begins with accepting that we have little control over circumstances and the behavior of others; but we do have control of our own actions. Recovery is about facing our fears and finding the strength to be vulnerable.

We Can Answer The Call For Solutions To Domestic Violence

By Katherine White
Self-Defense Program Coordinator

The violence we have witnessed over the past few months in Oregon is not new. Domestic violence is the number one risk to the health and safety of women in this country. It is one of the primary reasons women between the ages of 15 and 45 seek emergency room attention. It is the leading cause of homelessness and poverty for women and children. Across the nation approximately three women a day are killed by their partner.

Domestic violence is preventable and healing from violence is possible. Self-defense training is an essential part of preventing, surviving, and healing from abuse.

Prevention begins with raising pubic awareness. Talking about risk and warning signs is important, but it isn’t enough. In order to be effective, abuse prevention training must be engaging and interactive. When people are given information about risk but aren’t given the tools to take action, we increase fear which can result in a tendency to deny and rationalize the threat.

Survival and escape require skill and strategy. When a person chooses to leave an abusive relationship she, her friends and co-workers are at greatest risk. Informed, non-judgmental communication increases everyone’s safety. The ability to recognize and calmly de-escalate aggressive behavior saves lives.

Women who survive a violent relationship are strong, resilient, and courageous. Healing is a process of experiencing and honoring our internal strength and self-worth. The most effective healing engages mind, body, and spirit, as well as builds the confidence that comes with having practical skills to respond to real-life situations.

It is past time to bring professional self-defense training into our schools and workplaces.
The job of schools is to educate and prepare kids to live healthy, productive lives. Providing a high energy, interactive experience where kids learn to recognize unsafe behavior, resolve conflict without aggression, and set clear boundaries should be integrated into every school’s curriculum.

The workplace is safer and more productive when employers provide training that develops the skills to recognize and respond to abuse. At any given time approximately one in ten people in the workplace are living in a home where they are being physically abused. This costs millions of dollars each year in lost work days, lower productivity, and insurance; and it puts everyone at risk.

Quality self-defense training is about raising awareness and providing a variety of tools to respond to challenging situations before they become dangerous. The best self-defense is to never know what could have happened because it didn’t.

We have begun the public dialogue about creating solutions to the widespread risk that domestic violence poses to community safety. Solutions are available. I invite everyone to learn more about self-defense training and how it empowers women, men, and children to respond to risk in a way that creates the most positive outcome for everyone involved.